One dream inexplicably combined interior decoration with killing off a horde of zombies. In that sur

Given my psychological profile anxious, labile, discount hotels amsterdam growth-oriented meditation has frequently been suggested as way to keep my mental shit in order. I first heard about Vipassana , a ten day silent meditation retreat, from fellow travelers when backpacking through Southeast Asia. People raved about it ( difficult but worth it ), plus it was donation discount hotels amsterdam only.
When my friend Rachel discount hotels amsterdam suggested island hopping in Thailand, I figured I d combine it with a Vipassana afterwards. I have never meditated discount hotels amsterdam before. I would try, get distracted, and give up. So I really didn t know what I was getting myself into.
I picked a center in Kacanaburi, Thailand since it still had slots for women open. I arrived on a coach bus with dozens of other meditators. I sat next to a tall American guy who felt regret about never fulfilling his artistic ambitions. He was turning 40 during the retreat. His friend, Paul, had done a 20 day retreat. Apparently there were also 20, 45, and 60 day retreats. 10 days is just the introductory mini course.
(Everytime I do something perceived as hardcore discount hotels amsterdam , I mostly realize how there are so many more levels of hardcore that I haven t yet reached. Run a marathon? There are ultra marathons. Ultramarathons in the desert. You haven t even done an Ironman. Backpack discount hotels amsterdam for 4 months? Pshaw, that kiwi chick has been traveling for 5 years in politically unstable regions. This French dude has hitchhiked through Tasmania and couch surfed for 3 years straight. He asked random people in the train station to house him. There s always someone more hardcore than you.)
We surrendered cellphones, computers, books, and any valuables on the first day. We weren t allowed to talk, make gestures or eye contact, exercise, read, write, or listen to music. Men and women were separated. No touching even non-sexual between people of any gender was allowed. We each slept in (surprisingly nice) private rooms.
discount hotels amsterdam Meditating 10 hours a day still left 4.5 hours of free time to fill. With no talking, reading, writing, or exercising, that left only cleaning my room, grooming, or walking within the course discount hotels amsterdam boundaries. After lunch, I d walk in slow circles around the garden and pause to watch the traffic of harvest ants on electrical wires. I exfoliated my face until it shined. I took newfound pleasure in mundane tasks like washing my underwear and making the bed.
My mind desperately discount hotels amsterdam wanted discount hotels amsterdam to plan. I found it comforting to make decisions about changes to make back in Boston. Sublet out my apartment. Start X or Y project. Revamp my business. Email my friend Spencer. Change my flights and get home earlier.
The last one filled my mind for hours of meditation practice. I really missed my boyfriend, and a Vipassana gives you no outlet or distraction. Being inside my mind for all my waking hours, without outlet or distraction, felt like living inside an echo chamber.
Goenka, the teacher whose voice we listened to on recordings, explained Vipassana discount hotels amsterdam as a scientific inquiry into the changing nature of our mind and body. The ultimate goal was be free of mental defilements things like anger and jealousy that keep us from being happy. Rather than trying to suppress or distract oneself, you observe sensations in the body. Emotions, then, are reactions to pleasant and unpleasant bodily sensations. If we learn to be equanimous with those sensations, we can learn to recognize and observe the emotion ( Oh look! My heart is beating faster and my face feels warm. ) rather than letting it control us.
During Vipassana style meditation, you observe sensations from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, then in reverse. Whether pleasant or unpleasant, discount hotels amsterdam you maintain a detached, peaceful state, observing and remembering the transient nature of those sensations.
I meditated wrong for 6 days. You re not supposed to visualize anything, but I kept imagining a particularly intense itch on my upper lip as Sebastien from The Little Mermaid doing a jig. It kept me amused through very long hours.
Several dreams were seemed discount hotels amsterdam to be about travel discount hotels amsterdam logistics anxiety. I was trying to book flights on AirAsia to imaginary airports in China, or reading imaginary subway discount hotels amsterdam maps of imaginary cities. I kept backtracking or missing my stop.
One dream inexplicably combined interior decoration with killing off a horde of zombies. In that surreal dreamverse, I was floating 5 feet above a stream, pouring a jug of kerosene on a floating barge of the undead. discount hotels amsterdam I had just picked out an upholstered chair with my zombie-killing compatriot.
On day 6 of the silent meditation retreat, the shower in my cottage emitted nothing but a hissing gurgle. At lunch, there was a polite, handwritten sign on the table that read, Due to severe water crisis, please shower 1 time a day.
We re going to die! I joked. It was the first time I d made a joke or laughed out loud, however quietly, in a week. She assured me that someone would go to town and buying drinking water if we ran out.
When I tried to brush my teeth after lunch, only air came out of my tap. I could hear my neighbor make out with some wheezier gurgles. That night, I gave myself a sponge bath with a wadded-up t-shirt, bucket of cold water, and a water bottle.
Finally, on the afternoon of Day 9, a rumble of thunder broke through. By break time, a few drops of rain started to fall. I hurried back to the meditation hall with an umbrella. discount hotels amsterdam Then the sky broke open. Fruit was flung from the trees. The shutters screeched discount hotels amsterdam and a glass window shingle shattered. We all stared with silent wonder outside, sitting on our meditation mats. I imagined all the windows blowing out and spewing broken glass inwards.
With my eyes closed, I heard the brush clink of glass swept and screws sorted. The rain had stopped. I began sweeping my body for sensations. discount hotels amsterdam Remember the law of nature anicca, Goenka was saying. Impermanence.
Day 2, 4, and 6 were hell. I entertained the idea of leaving. The days felt sweaty, claustrophobic, interminable. I was sitting in rooms without air conditioning, in the middle of Thailand s hot season, while trying to focus exclusively on nostril sensations for 10 hours a day. Scintillating.
I spent meditation time guessing how much it would cost to change my return flight. I imagined different discount hotels amsterdam surprise-arrival-in-Boston scenarios, which felt a lot more pleasant than trying not to scratch the itch on my foot while observing the subtle, prickly sensations on my upper arms. Meditation seemed so pointless, and some of Goenka s videotaped talks seemed more like trite secondhand testimonials than actual advice.
Something changed on day 7. The videotaped talk that night was about mastering the mind. This spoke me a lot more than his talks about morality, discount hotels amsterdam about how Vipassana wasn t a religion, or assorted Buddha parables. This was why I was here: to be master of my own mind.
I noticed myself making progress: I no longer discount hotels amsterdam beat myself up about not being the perfect meditator. When I noticed my attention discount hotels amsterdam wandering, I gently redirected it back to my bodily sensations without name calling or disappointment. Sometimes, if meditation felt impossible, I gave myself tiny goals to accomplish: just two passthroughs of the body. Ok, now five. Good job!
I began to come out of hour-long meditation sessions feeling incredibly… good. Very calm. Appreciative of little things around me. I spent a half-hour of one break time staring at a leaf, admiring how beautiful it was. It wasn t like there was anything else to do, anyway.
The hard part of Vipassana isn t the silence part. Silence makes perfect discount hotels amsterdam sense. It is trying to focus your attention for 10 hours a day. It is the loneliness of your mind, and dealing with all the neuroses and shit that float to the surface when you are isolated from civilization for two weeks.
For me, I kept thinking about random ways that I had let people down. It didn t how tiny and insignificant the incident was, or if it had happened 5 years ago with a person who probably didn t remember my name. I d be meditating, and the thought would pop up, uninvited. It felt like psychological whack-a-mole.
Within the hour, I was a mess. I realized I had forgotten to file my taxes for the year. I was over my international data plan limit. The United Airlines website wasn t letting me change my flight. I lay on my bed, fumbling with my phone and sweating in the heat. I waited for the I missed you, too. When I finally got it, I cried a few tears of relief, mingled with disappointment for wanting discount hotels amsterdam it.
Turned out, changing my 3-leg journey home would have cost nearly $900, so I ended up staying. My time in Chiang Mai has been mixed. The city itself is lovely, but the people I was visiting discount hotels amsterdam seemed less than thrilled that I was in town. While rationally, I know they re inconsequential, that snubbing unearthed an old wound.
discount hotels amsterdam Trouble is, that thinking didn t get me anywhere. discount hotels amsterdam It just makes me meta-upset that I m still upset. Instead, in the spirit of Vipassana, I ve been trying to confront my disappointment and observe it, rather than suppressing it. It s natural to feel a bit upset. It s ok. This too shall pass.
Vipassana is a way of self-transformation through self-observation. It focuses on the deep interconnection between mind and body, which can be experienced directly by disciplined attention to the physical sensations that form the life of the body, and that continuously interconnect and condition the life of the mind. It is this observation-based, self-exploratory journey to the common root of mind and body that dissolves mental impurity, resulting in a balanced mind full of love and compassion. .. ..